Tony Gets a Cat
by ShadowDreamer33
Summary: Tony decides that the Avengers absolutely need a mascot. There is a lot of Hulking out, a few trademark Stark Tantrums. Rated T for language.
1. Chapter 1

This is my first Avengers FanFic. Please let me know what you think!

Disclaimer: I am not associated and I do not profit from this story.

* * *

It was another night in the lab. I really need to remember to go to bed sometimes. _Hulk sore; _I know big guy.

"Brucey! Bruce, are you awake? Well, you are now!"

Oh great. Tony is awake, and he is sober. I almost like that guy better when he is hammered. He is easier to manipulate that way.

Tony tossed the door open with his elbow as he stumbled in with Starbucks in his hands. " Let's go on an adventure today big guy!"

"Who are you calling 'big', as I recall, you weigh more than me..."

Tony grabbed what I hoped was a clean shirt from my room and threw it at me. " Get dressed, you look like shit".

" Thanks buddy, I could say the same..." Tony was still in his Ironman suit and he was coated in a layer of what looked like drywall. And, he was tracking it all over my lab. (Little known fact, the Hulk is a neat freak). _Breathe. _

"We are going for a drive!" The iron maiden announced.

"Tony, we do not like cars, I thought you agreed no more cars after we crushed your vintage mustang"

"But this is reaaaalllly important, Brucey! I have been thinking... The Avengers need a mascot!"

"NO! I know what you are thinking! No animals! Pets are a big responsibility Tony, and quite frankly, you don't have the best memory for a genius..."

"But come on! You could be the mom and I could be the daddy! For obvious reasons, I would wear the pants in the relationship, you know, because yours come off so often..."

"Stark!" _I need to stay me right now big guy, please stay away! Damn. _

And there goes my new shirt.

"Yay, Hulk! Let's go for a walk! You don't eat small animals...right?"

"Hulk. Smash!"

"Hmmm...I'll figure something out on the way. Lets go!"

* * *

It was quite a sight. Tony was driving a souped up SUV with the top cut off to accommodate a particularly large passenger, and Hulk was scrunched in the back with two sub woofers stuck to his head like giant earbuds. Imagine seeing that on the way to the grocery store.

When the Hulk had his fill of classical music, he shrunk back down to Bruce, apparently Stark did not think this through all the way, so he darted into a Chanel store and came out with a new monkey suit for Bruce to ruin.

There are not a lot of fearsome animals in the city, as you might expect. Tony thought that their mascot should be a tiger, a bird of prey, or something of that sort. A dragon maybe? Wait, those are mythical... Well there is no way he was giving Hawkeye the satisfaction of getting a hawk! Anything smaller than a guinea pig would probably get shot full of gamma radiation by Bruce, maybe he could get some genetic scientists in on this... _meow._ Huh?

When Tony turned around, there was an orange kitten standing behind him. "What a foul animal! Cats are disgusting, all they do is lick themselves all day."

Tony turned up his nose in an indignant manner. "We need a creature slightly more...badass!"

"Tony, I don't care about your mascot, what the hell are you doing in the middle of downtown? And more importantly, what am I doing here with you?"

"Well I want you to have a say in picking out our new pet."

"Our?"

"Well, I can't watch it all the time, what with being awesome as a full time job and all..."

"Tony, I vaguely remember warning you about that before losing my temper."

"Awww but come on! Have a heart Brucey!"

"As I recall, there is nothing wrong with my heart, yours on the other hand..."

"Hey, that was uncalled for rage man!"

Bruce grinned stupidly.

"What are you smiling at green giant?"

Tony looked behind him and noticed that the small orange kitten had followed them for two blocks now. "Scram flee-bag!"

Bruce looked at the small creature fondly, he had always liked cats. Tony however, could not forgive that one cat for shorting out his arc reactor and almost sending him into cardiac arrest.

"Maybe we should get a dog! It could keep you company in your lab and I could take it for...flights?" Ok so a dog is out of the question.

"What about a cat?" Bruce suggested.

"Have you been listening to nothing I have been saying? No cats!"

"What about a lovely goldfish?" There was a smile pulling at the corners of Bruce's mouth as Tony scowled at him.

"Come on you behemoth! Work with me here! This is our _child! _If you are not going to take this seriously, we might as well go home!"

"That is fine with us. Did you stop to think that the middle of a crowded mall might not be the best place for me to be arguing with you?"

"But mom! I am just worried about it not liking us! What if we don't even find a mascot today?"

Neither of the avengers notices the Norse God observing their conversation with a look of bewilderment on his face. "Are you men alright?" Inquired Thor.

Both Stark and Banner whipped around, unfortunately for Banner, that was enough of a fright to cause him to lose his composure and turn into the Hulk.

"God dammit Hulk! I just bought that suit! Now look what you have done!"

Thor stifled a snicker as the crouched over scientist reverted into a being of mass destruction in the middle of Macy's perfume department. A saleswoman stammered and then scurried off in the general direction of the fire escape.

Tony had to crack a smile as he thought about the publicity this was going to get tomorrow.

Even Hulk broke out in dopey laughter as he looked at all of the broken bottles around him. "Hulk. Smash. Hulk. Smash! Stark. Pay." His grin grew wider.

"Hey Thunder Pants, have you seen a pet store around here?"

"Do not insult the son on Odin! The animals around here are unimpressive. I cannot help you friend."

_Sigh. We are going to be here all day with Tony's dedication to the pointless and unnecessary. Breathe Hulk, get your heart rate down. Thats it...wait! Can't I get to a bathroom first, being stark naked in public is not the most comfortable thing in the world. No pun intended. _

"Come on Green Machine, back to the Hulk-mobile".

Tony sulked towards the new door Hulk put in the second floor wall. _I'll have to pay for that won't I._

* * *

By the time Tony caught up with overgrown asparagus, he had turned back into his nudist friend.

_Meow... _

"Gods Dammit! Can I catch no break today!"

In Banners naked lap, there perched a small orange cat.

"We have gone over this! The cats are all on Loki's side! If we get a cat the terrorists win! Do you really want to break the news to Captain Underpants that you single handedly led the enemy to the US!"

"Okay Tony, the suit you bought me is shredded and I don't have any other clothing soooo...I had to improvise..."

"Dear lord Bruce! So you used the living incarnation of the devil to cover your man parts!"

"TONY! Just get in the fucking car before I get arrested for public indecency again!"

"Fine, but that thing is getting strapped to the hood"

"You would really do that to a kitten?"

"I would do that to my mother-in-law"

Banner sighed. "Lets just go shall we?"

He put the cat in his lap and they were off.

* * *

When they arrived home Banner ran with the kitten into his lab, while Tony went to have a tantrum in Pepper's office.

"HE BROUGHT HOME A CAT! I think I am allergic, yeah that's it! I am allergic! This is a cat-free tower!"

"Tony, I know that you are not allergic to anything. I know you better than you know yourself. You couldn't even tie your shoes without me"

"Not true, Jarvis can do that now!"

Pepper rolled her eyes. "What can't Jarvis do?"

"Make love"

"That was rhetorical."

* * *

Bruce got dressed. _Maybe I will invent something that can grow with me. That will be my next top priority. But first, I must make my new friend a home._ Banner dug out an old experiment chamber he previously used on some mice._ There that should do nicely_; he placed the orange fluff into the box. The kitten just stared at him with its big, round, green eyes..._Dammit, you softy_! He removed that creature from the box and put it on his desk where he was working. The kitten jumped down into his lap. Bruce stopped what he was doing and set it back on the desk. Again, the kitten jumped from the ledge into his lap. Again, he set it on the desk. It resided to walk across his touch screen causing his documents to disappear. _Maybe Tony was right about cats...what am I thinking_! As his mind went on a rant, the kitten fell asleep on his large hands. The kitten was warm and soft, Bruce works with his hands so they are scarred and rough from use, the feeling of frailty is not something he was used to. The kitten needs a name: _Peaches, Klunk, Fluffy, Rex_... Robert! The kittens name is Robert!

Tony's metal boots came stamping down the hall, he was ready for battle.

"There is no way that creature is staying in my house!"

"Tony, this is Robert, not a creature"

Robert moved groggily across the desk and leapt onto the floor. He stopped in front of IronMan and looked inquisitively at him.

"What the fuck kind of a name is Robert? It is a wimpy name so it suits him just fine! But there is no way I am allowing him to become the mascot"

"Come on Tony, give the wittle guy a chance!" Bruce put on his best puppy dog face and began his stare down.

"Come on man, that is not cool. You are not allowed to use that for anything other than science!" Tony stomped his foot causing the floor to shake, and also causing Robert to leap about two feet in the air; just high enough to clutch onto Tony's kneecap.

"Get off of me!" Tony demanded. "Banner get your little experiment off of my leg!"

"Watch out man of steel, you might feel something" countered Bruce.

"Ha. Ha. We've got a funny chemist in here" Tony pouted as he pried the small creature from his armor.

Robert retreated to the safety of Banner's lap. Bruce smiled at him as he hunkered down for a nap.

"Aww, you finally made a friend, looks like my little rage monster is growing up so fast... Now get rid of it"

* * *

Pepper came pattering down the hall. She never liked to go down geek hall; correction, she always regretted going down geek hall. She felt that the life of the kitten was in danger so she swallowed her pride and marched into the Bruce's lab. She swiftly turned around and marched out. "They sound like an old married couple!"

The guys heard the door close and looked up from their respective glares.

"Enough arguing Stark! If you don't want the cat, you get rid of it!"

"Finally! You have given into reason! Ok now let me just take Robert...Why is he doing that?"

Robert was looking Tony directly in the eye, purring.

"Stop it you insolent animal! You are going back on the street and that is that! ...Well maybe I will drop you off on the doorstep of some cat lady..."

Stark froze, he was holding Robert under the arms, the poor thing looked frightened. His green eyes were wide open, not wavering their hold on Stark's face.

"Aww hell!"

Tony marched out of the lab, Robert still in hand, to his top floor office. He dropped the kitten off with a bewildered looking Fury, and flew off. When Tony returned, he had a spiked collar, a store of canned cat food, and a plethora of cat toys and catnip, in his arms.

"This doesn't change or mean anything! We just really need a mascot."

The others stared at him with bemused expressions, Banner was on the brink of a straight up smirk. When Tony removed his armor he revealed a new t-shirt that read 'Cats Rule'

"Whats wrong with all of you! One would think that you had never seen a man with taste before"

Tony took Robert and made a hasty retreat to his room.

* * *

Please Review! Constructive criticism is appreciated, and in fact, encouraged!


	2. Robert meets the God of Mischief

This has gone from a **oneshot to a series** so bare with me on the awkward transition in the beginning. Let's all keep the internet sensation '**Chemistry Ca**t' in mind shall we? Sorry about any grammatical errors or gaps in the story, every word of this has been written between the hours of 12 and 4am. Feel free to review!

**P.S. I still do not own the Avengers.**

* * *

"Brother!" Thor called out to Loki.

Loki could feel another Midgardian headache surfacing itself. This was going to be one of those cycles in which Thor tries various methods to bond with his poor, little, adopted frost giant, brother. _Maybe he won't see me. In the throne room. On the throne. Curses. _

"Brother! Prepare the Bifrost, we are going to see The Avengers today!" Thor announced.

* * *

The Avengers stumbled onto the roof of Avengers Tower. They were a bit battered, Hawkeye broke another bow, stark needed to give the suit a tune up, Black Widow was mumbling about the groceries, and Bruce was off to his room to grab a shirt. Tony stripped off his the Ironman and rushed down to his room.

You would never recognize the once bachelor pad. There were now cat walks streaked across the walls (fitted with nets for safety), there were robotic mice that appeared out of the walls at random intervals, and last but not least, there was Robert. The little orange kitten was sporting its multifunctional spike collar while resting on top of Tony's pillow.

"Robby!" Tony came billowing into the room in a cloud of debris, Jarvis was working overtime to try to send the cleaner behind him.

In his best impression of a crooning mother, the Iron Will embraced little Robert.

"Robby, did you miss your daddy? Did you? Well daddy missed you!"

Pepper followed the trail of dust to Tony's room. A smile broke out on her face as she saw the changes the kitten had imposed on Tony's pad. "Looks like you are taking this parenting thing to an extreme, Mr. Stark. Can't you take a shower first?"

Tony extended his arm and bowed his head to Pepper. "May I have this shower?"

* * *

Banner hastily made his way down the few stories to his lab. He grabbed an old button up and set to work on developing his next experimental stage for isolating the genes that the gamma radiation effected in his subjects.

* * *

A tremor reverberated through the tower as the Norse God's made their entrance on the roof.

"Friends!" Thor bellowed.

A very unenthusiastic looking Loki rolled his eyes at his brothers antics and quickly set about locating his escape routs in the very possible event that he need them later. For now he would play along and allow his 'brother' some peace.

"We have come to participate in your Midgardian entertainment!" Thor announced.

There was a general look of confusion shared among the avengers.

"What? Are these not joyous times to be visiting?" inquired Thor.

"No, no we just weren't expecting to see you so soon" assured Pepper.

"You could have shown up a bit sooner" Tony mumbled to no one in particular as he ran his fingers through his wet hair feeling the new bruises.

* * *

All of a sudden, one of Bruce's gamma radiation tanks started to become warped, the normally cubed container became rounded at the edges, the pressure was reaching critical status...

* * *

Following the explosion in the lab, a startled Robert fled Tony's bedroom and darted around the corner; it entered the elevator behind the Hawk who was coming to ask Bruce where to send the repair men this time.

Robert followed Clint into the hall and then darted into the familiar lab where Banner was working.

Bruce was emerging from behind the radiation guard in the back of the room. The dust had still not settled on the carnage in the room. _Why do I even bother to use the shield, it is only effective for shrapnel on me, what am I going to do, turn normal again? _Bruce noticed something orange disappear under a fallen desk._ Uh oh..._

Tony rushed behind Clint once he realized that the explosion was not linked to the Demigod's landing. Nearly colliding with The Hawk, he came bursting through the door.

"Get out of here you moron!" Banner shouted.

"What happened in here? Have you seen Robert? What did you do? What exploded?"

When Tony was done with his torrent of questions Bruce was beginning to feel panicked.

"Just get out of here, unless you also want to turn into an 'enormous green rage monster' "

"Are you not hearing me!? Our child is missing and you are worrying about me?"

"Oh, look who is deciding to be selfless for the first time in his life"

"It's like I don't even know you!" Tony said disgustedly.

Robert came out to enjoy to scene of the two scientists arguing. The heros saw him dart out of the room, leaving little wet footprints behind him.

"Bruce, please tell me that you spilled your coffee or something..."

"I don't drink coffee."

"Then what did Robert just walk through"

"I do believe it was a hazardous substance..." Bruce whispered the words "Of a *cough* _radioactive_ *cough* nature..."

The scientists pursued the kitten out of the lab and through the halls, Tony cornered Robert but he waited until Bruce to arrive.

"You pick him up."

"What? Why should I pick him up?"

"Because I don't want to turn green!"

Bruce gave him the most terrifying look that Tony had ever seen.

"Watch it, you might hurt the other guy's feelings." Bruce teased straight faced.

Bruce scooped up Robert and took him for his very first chemical bath.

* * *

A still dripping Robert came sulking into the kitchen, I guess he thought he deserved a snack after going through that ordeal (fun fact, cats do not like water).

Tony scooped him up and dried him off with a hand towel on his lap. He handed Rob a piece of turkey jerkey for him to gnaw on before wandering over to the crowd of Avengers assembled in his living quarters.

Stark joined the group. Loki's eyes followed the orange kitten to the couch, he glanced at Tony questioningly. The god of mischief slipped away and went to see the new addition. It is known that cats are naturally curious and therefore they can cause a lot of trouble, this is what makes them Loki Laufeyson's favorite animals.

Bruce caught sight of Loki rubbing Robert's belly and cooing at him, he couldn't help but smirk a little bit. _Who doesn't like kittens? _

Loki was talking to the kitten, he was explaining how his brother had forced him to come spend a day on Midgard, it was to Loki's great surprise when the kitten talked back. Not the meowing that most cat lovers pretend that they can understand. Robert was speaking english.

Loki panicked and dropped the kitten.

"Ow! You know what they say is not true, cats only have one life just like the rest of the planet." Robert responded. _Robert responded._

* * *

**This is a test to see the response that I get from this chapter. Please review!**


	3. Robert's Role

__Sorry for the long wait! Thank you for all the kind reviews ^_^ ! And thanks for sticking with the story! Please leave reviews or send me prompts or ideas!

* * *

_ Robert's Role_

Bruce noticed the change in expression on Loki's face; it had turned from a tender smile to a fearful shock. He was running his hands vigorously through his black hair as he stumbled backwards over the coffee table. Bruce became more than a little worried and he hurried over to see what the problem was.

"Loki, are you alright?"

"Uh...yeah. Yeah." Loki was running his hand down the length of his face. _I'm going insane _he thought. _All of those beatings from Thor have finally taken their toll. There is no way in Midgard that I just heard that. _

Robert was just staring at the men, flicking the end of his tail back and forth, as if he was anticipating something juicy to unfold in front of him.

"Are you all right, man of mischief?"

Now it was Bruce's turn to be freaked out. He turned to Loki, "Did you hear that?"

"I did indeed, green man."

"Why are you surprised by me? Haven't you been speaking with me this entire time?"

"Why do you have a British accent?"

"Seriously Bruce? You are a man of science, and that is the best question you have for a talking cat?" The cat grinned. "It is because I was born in England, you twit. You found me on the street and simply assumed I was American, typical American ego I suppose."

"T-t-tony?"

The rest of the group looked up from the conversation about a new Avengers game Tony was trying to convince them to make. They could see the confusion in Bruce's face, and the fear on Loki's.

"What's up with you two, see a ghost?" Tony teased.

"They seem to be amused by my recently acquired ability to speak. And Doctor Banner seems most interested in my English accent."

Tony's jaw dropped. The atmosphere of the room suddenly turned into a silent shock. Well, almost silent.

"R-r-robby?"

"I would prefer it if you used my full name, Robert."

* * *

The avengers took turns asking Robert questions that only a cat could answer, do they really have nine lives? Why do the lick themselves? Dry food or wet food? Only one life. The smell of humans sticking to them is most detestable. And wet food is always preferred, it's a texture thing.

* * *

Once the initial shock and awe had been dealt with, they now had to address how Robert was to be handled. Was he still to be treated as an animal, or now that he could talk and input his opinions, did he get things like his own room.

"...well now we can actually know what he likes and _Tony _doesn't just get to assume that he likes spikes" Natasha said pointedly.

"I'm his daddy, so I get to say what he does and does not like!" Tony retorted.

"Uh, well now we can kind of ask him where he likes to be most of the time, and uh, then we can just move his stuff there." Bruce offered.

Natasha and Tony looked at Bruce as if he had just thought of sending Robert to the moon.

"That's crazy talk!"

"If I may have a say in this," Robert interrupted, "I thoroughly enjoy my time spent in the lab." He paused to lick his paw.

"Well, then I guess it is settled, Robert will spend his free time in the lab with us." Tony motioned to his friend.

* * *

Robert settled into his new routine. He would sleep upstairs with Tony, moving into the lab during the day with Bruce. Tony was spending more and more time in the garage working on some secret project, now not even Robby was allowed in there because he could talk.

The cat enjoyed watching Bruce work, he was starting to understand more and more about science and how the world worked. He had even managed to learn how to read by listening to Bruce mumble his notes to himself.

* * *

When the confines of the Lab could no longer satisfy his curiosity, he moved on to other floors. He stumbled into Bruce's room one day while exploring. Robert thought it would be fun to take a peak around, he found a bow tie on the floor of the closet. Toying with the black tie, he decided to try it on, too bad he still didn't have opposable thumbs; he was going to need some help. He grabbed the bow in his jaws and went to find Natasha or Pepper.

Natasha was sitting on the couch in the main living quarters of the tower watching _Say Yes to the Dress, _even assassins need guilty pleasures. She was wearing ripped jeans and a white t-shirt, her red curls were amiss, a stark contrast to her usual put together self.

Robert jumped up onto the couch beside her and spit out the bow.

"Miss Romanoff, would you be so kind as to help me with this? I seem to lack certain evolutionary appendages that allow people to tie knots."

"Uh, sure." She said, still unsure of the idea of a talking cat.

She reached out and took the crumpled bow off the couch. With an expert hand she tied the bow around his neck. She had had years of practice from having to tie all the ties for the new agents being sent to oversea formal events.

"There."

"Thank you, what do you think?" Robert questioned, suddenly self conscious.

"You look dashing" Natasha grinned. He was pretty adorable.

Bruce noticed the bow when his little friend entered the lab once again, he couldn't put his finger on it, but that damn thing looked familiar.

* * *

Tony noticed that Robby seemed to be bumping into things more often than a cat should be. They are know for being particularly agile creatures.

He decided to conduct an experiment. He grabbed note cards and printed letters on them in different sizes.

"Robert, can you read this?" He said, placing the .12 font a ways in front of the cat.

Robby squinted his little eyes and leaned far enough forward that he slipped and fell straight on his chin.

"Just as I suspected" Tony said, suppressing a laugh at the dumbfounded look on poor Robert's face. "You need glasses."

Well there was no way that they could take a talking cat to the optometrist, so Bruce set up a make shift test to get an accurate prescription for Robert.

"Bruce, I will only say this once so listen up, you are a genius."

"...thanks, Tony" He glanced at his friend inspecting the shiny new equipment.

Dr. Banner placed Robert on a stool in front of a large contraption with multiple rotating lenses,

"Now tell me when you can read the bottom line," he commanded while flipping through the different lenses.

Robert was so tiny that his body was completely hidden behind the head gear, all you could see were his big green magnified eyes peaking through. He watched his vision become temporarily better and worse as the doctor rotated the glass.

"...better...no worse...ok, better again...THERE! I can see it!" The excitement in the kitten's voice made both men burst out in a wide grin.

Bruce ordered the specified lenses while Tony built a custom frame for Robert's tiny face. The final product were a perfect miniature replica of the resident physicists own glasses, fitted with a strap to keep them from sliding down his muzzle.

"...I look ridiculous" Said the little orange kitten, with the wire framed glasses, and black bow tie.

"Ah, but at least you know that you look ridiculous now" Tony teased.

* * *

Please review!


	4. World War III

Thanks for all of the reviews! Sorry for the random changes of plot, it started out as a one-shot and has now developed into the story of chemistry kitten running amok in Avengers Tower.

*****If you have a suggestion for a **change in title** please **message me** because the original one doesn't really fit now :) I am also open to prompts for future chapters for this story or even a whole new story altogether!

Disclaimer: None of the Avengers belong to me...yet. (Except Robert. He is mine.)

* * *

**World War III**

Robert's routine had become a bore. The lab had been slow lately since everything was away being analyzed, and he had already gone through all of the interesting reading material down there. His boredom had lead to some new habits that in some eyes, could be viewed as destructive. Some eyes meaning all of the humans eyes. Robert had taken up scratching, everything.

The living room couch was in tatters, Tony's bed was down to only one pillow, the drapes looked like they were out of an old horror film, it had to stop. Then the worst thing was brought up; declawing.

It was Natasha who had suggested it.

"I just don't see what the big deal is, cat's are declawed all the time!"

"It's barbaric!"

"I agree with Tony, the practice of declawing is not just removing the nail, it destroys the bone as well." Bruce added.

"Really? Well what else is there to do?"

"I don't know. We could try getting him some new toys"

"We'll see."

The conversation ended there. Robert had been listening from under the shredded couch. _This is bad, this is very bad. I have got to stop scratching, it would be so embarrassing to be the only one in this tower without a weapon. _He thought to himself.

* * *

The days passed without the subject being brought up again. Robert became more and more frazzled with the thought always at the forefront of his mind. _Don't scratch. Don't scratch. Don't scratch. Dammit don't scratch. Don't cuss. _He swore that his orange fur was turning gray from worry.

"You're not going gray" Bruce assured him.

"Are you sure? Check my tail" His voice wavering. Roberts eyes were bloodshot.

"I didn't know that cats could even get this stressed. Want a drink?" Tony offered

The physicist glared at him.

"Ok, no drink then." He placed his hands in front of him in surrender.

* * *

Many forget that Robert is only a kitten still (I know I refer to him as cat occasionally but he is roughly a year old). But that was something that Clint would never forget. One day, out of nowhere, Clint shot a suction cup arrow from the air vents and hit Robert's glasses blocking his vision. This was a declaration of war.

In the avengers tower, any act of hostility could be considered WWIII, especially if any of the A-team were involved.

Clint retreated into the vents once again as Robert fought against the suction cups. Once freed from the dark, he pursued Barton. The collar that Tony had given him on his first day there was basically the equivalent of Batman's utility belt, complete with his own cat-arang. A cat shaped shuriken shot out from his throat and headed for the section of wall that the ventilation system ran through. One of the interesting pieces of material that Robert read were the blueprints for the building.

"Shit!" Could be heard echoing down the length of the hallway, business carried on as usual, none of the agents even batted an eyelash.

Clint was pinned against the wall with the shuriken stuck between his legs, less than an inch from the family jewels.

"You were aiming there on purpose!" He accused.

"There is a wall in between us, I wasn't even sure you were in that vent, genius." Robert shot back.

Clint grumbled and loaded another arrow, this time it was a modified paint ball on the tip.

"Fire in the Hole!" A few senior agents ducked under their desks.

The arrow exploded a few feet from Robert, splashing red paint all the way down the hall, coating everyone and everything in its path. Robert looked like he just walked out of a blood bath, literally.

A very undignified shriek came from the tiny body. Hawkeye's eyes widened with fear. The kitten bounded the few feet between him and the assassin, he was out for blood. Barton let go of his hold in the vertical shaft dropping through the floor with a salute. Without any account for self preservation, Robert followed, landing on Clint's head two stories down.

They exited the vents on the main living floor. Clint was attempting to pry the kitten from his face, Robert released the itching powder from his collar into the Hawk's face.

"My eyes!" He screamed. His eyes became red and Clint resembled a wild animal rather than a human.

"I'm going to kill you, cat!"

Robert retreated onto the couch screaming "The floor is lava!"

_Oh shit, now I have to find high ground fast_, Clint thought. He jumped onto the coffee table.

Robert jumped onto the curtains and stuck his tongue out at his opponent.

Clint darted across the couch, leaving chalky footprints from his climbing shoes. He loosed another arrow at the ceiling, swinging to the stranded kitten.

Robert ditched the curtains for the fireplace mantle, sending family photos crashing to the ground.

Reaching the end of the mantle with nowhere else to go he screamed "TRUCE!"

The arrow on the ceiling lost its traction and sent Clint falling through the glass sculpture of Iron Man that was displayed. He made a sound that resembled a dying whale and managed a single word "~agreed~" His head rolled back.

Just then, Tony and Pepper walked in on the destroyed living room. They froze, a cup of coffee fell from Pepper's grip.

"Barton, out." Was all that Tony said.

* * *

The next day Robert was darting around the tower. Weaving in and out of desks, pausing in the corners, walking at peoples heels, anything to avoid being seen by his friends.

Bruce was walking down to the lab carrying some notes that he retrieved from Tony's office. Robert walked straight into the Doctor waiting for the elevator. He froze with fear. Bruce looked down, his eyes were immediately drawn to the kittens paws.

"Don't look at me!" Robert begged, he ran down the hall skidding around the corner.

"Tony, why are Robert's nails pink?"

"They are nail caps to keep him from scratching, they are also his punishment for nearly causing the tower to collapse."

"Harsh."

"Very" Tony pouted.

"Why are you wearing gloves?"

"Noreason" He said quickly.

Bruce snagged a glove off of Tony's hand revealing his also very pink nails.

He froze, staring at his best friend. He attempted to not laugh, but failed miserably.

"Shut up!"

"Haha now ha what haha did you do hahaha to piss off Pepper ahaha" The physicist nearly collapsed.

"It's not funny!"

"Yes it is" He said, wiping a tear from the corner of his eye.

"I just- I forgot our anniversary, Ok! This was totally undeserved and uncalled for!"

Bruce stared at the genius engineer. "You have only been married for a year!"

Tony looked like a kicked puppy, he turned away and returned to his work.

* * *

**Thanks for reading! Please review! ^_^ Any ideas or prompts for future chapters or stories or a title change are encouraged**


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